An Affair to Remember or Forget

by: jameswalsh
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It is prone to changing its loyalties and affection from one person to another in a whimsical fashion. Does marriage really stand a chance with a wavering heart and wandering minds? Does new love come with a guarantee? Is a new affair a passing fancy or is it the real thing? Is it worth giving up on a marriage for an affair that may or may not last?

It is easy to ask questions but the heart provides no easy answers. If everything was straightforward and simple, we would all fall in love with that one perfect person and have the happiest marriage till death does us part. However, reality belies straightforward notions and has to contend with complex human feelings and emotions. You could have a fairly good marriage going, not perfect but fairly good, and then out of nowhere you meet someone for whom, you want to give it all up for. Is it wise? Will it work? More importantly, will it last?

Romance Comes Calling

It doesn’t take too much effort to have temptation come knocking these days. Even when one is alone at home, the Internet woos and courts your imagination and a complete stranger can step out of cyber world into your married life. You may not have been looking but what starts off as casual, harmless chatting takes a more serious turn.

Travel has become a way of life and exotic locations, interesting single people and being far away from responsibilities can lead to dangerous liaisons. With e-mails and mobiles, keeping a secret romance going has never been easier or more exciting.

Sometimes, the everyday responsibilities of marriage can kill romance and when one meets an interesting person, they seem to offer what is missing. An affair is forbidden and comes with no responsibility so it appears exciting and refreshing. In comparison, a stable marriage might appear boring and burdensome. The first thought of divorce and moving on, begins to take shape and soon reaches a point where one must make a choice.

Marriage versus the Affair

Most people get married with the thought of a lifetime together. There are common dreams, common goals and a lot of love which one presumes is enough to keep that promise. Reality though is harsh and one also has to reckon for changing circumstances, changing times and changing feelings. If a couple doesn’t change in tandem, chances are they will drift apart. An affair that comes calling at this point might seem the perfect escape. However, how sure can one be that the new affair won’t go the same way after the initial excitement and romance has faded away?

To give up a marriage and all that one has built together and start afresh might seem exciting but what about the long term consequences. If a person gets divorced and starts a new life with a lover, and finds it all going horribly wrong, it can end up leaving the person in limbo - neither here nor there.

Marriage should not be bondage but it is a commitment that one has chosen to make. While one cannot be blamed for a change of mind or heart, one must be realistic and rational before breaking up. The grass does always seem greener on the other side and more often than not people have lived to regret giving in to sudden infatuations.

It does not mean that if a marriage is really bad and there is the chance of happiness with another, one must stick on. However, if one believes that a new romance will be perfect and never come across hurdles, then that is being delusional.

Moving On

If your marriage is unhappy and you don’t have any hope of it getting better then of course a second chance is definitely an option. If the new person gives you the love and respect that your spouse doesn’t, you can be fairly sure that your life will be happier and more fulfilling than a marriage which is a sham. In these circumstances, you are entitled to move on.

There have been several second marriages that have worked. They have needed hard work and compromise but they have worked. However, there have been as many if not more second marriages that have been disasters. Many people make hasty decisions when they are in the throes of romance, only to regret it when the rose tinted glasses have fallen off.

Conclusion

If your marriage is going through a rough patch, it is completely understandable that you might be attracted to someone new. However, understand that this new interest could be fleeting too and your marriage might be back on track with a little effort. The bottom line is that every relationship has its ups and downs and if you keep this in mind, you will be the best person to decide if you should stay or move on.

About the Author

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com

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