Growing up with a Single Parent
by: jameswalsh
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Word Count: 693
My Story
The early memories of having both parents under one roof were wonderful. It was a happy home with plenty of laughter and caring. Then, it all changed, almost overnight. It was my eighth birthday and all my friends were at home waiting for me to cut my Barbie birthday cake. It was the first time that my father wasn’t there taking photographs and organising things. I insisted I wouldn’t cut my cake without him.
I still remember that my mother forced me to and how I went to sleep crying. I woke up to the sound of a loud argument in the next room. It was the beginning, of many to come, over the next six months. The happiness and laughter disappeared and, one fine morning, my dad packed his bag and disappeared too. Over the years I heard whispered stories of an affair and another woman. My Dad eventually married again and I rarely ever saw him.
I could tell my mother cried a lot those days. I was scared and sad. Scared because I didn’t know what would happen next and sad because I missed my Dad. My mother started going out to work and our time together became scarce. When I returned from school I would make myself a sandwich and go next door to play. When I saw my friend’s parents play with her it made me sad and I stopped going.
I started staying at home and watching T.V all evening till my mother came. She looked so tired that I wouldn’t tell her how I felt. I thought if I made her sadder she’d leave me too. My teacher told me that if I didn’t stop dreaming in class, I would fail my exams and I did.
The Adult I Became
I wouldn’t say it was all bad but it wasn’t all good either, growing up with a single parent. I found myself lonely many times and was afraid to express myself. I hardly made friends and was always unsure of myself. There were times when my mother would take me on holiday and she would actually be happy and carefree. We would go to the beach and eat hot dogs and watch movies.
The holiday would end and I found my mother would become stressed and difficult to approach again. My early insecurities stayed with me as I grew into an adult. There were many new things I wanted to learn but lacked the confidence to try. People around seemed to be able to be social and friendly, while I usually kept to myself.
One of the few friends I have cannot understand why I become withdrawn when someone asks me out. I don’t reveal that I am too scared to open up and care because I might lose the person. There is a lot of anger in me too. Anger, because my father gave up on me so easily. This is perhaps why I am short-tempered and moody.
My Advice
In hindsight, I wish I had had someone to talk to. Someone I could express myself to and who could help me understand that my parents’ divorce wasn’t my fault. Sharing my emotions and having someone help me would’ve helped me get rid of all the excess baggage. I understand now that just as two people come together easily, they can also part. It is a part of life. My advice to parents getting divorced is to talk to children and not shut them out.
If parents cannot handle their own emotions and those of the children, they should at least take their children to a counsellor. Even if parents get divorced, it is important that both of them show children that they still care for them. If both parents take an active interest in the children’s lives, it will help alleviate the side effects.
Conclusion
A two-parent home can also have negative environment. Parents, who are constantly squabbling, an alcoholic father, and physical abuse, can all lead to trauma. In such cases, it would be far better for a child to live only with one caring parent. In any situation, the welfare of a child should be paramount and can never be compromised.
About the Author
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk
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